Way 11 Acquire a Friend

Way 11 Acquire a Friend

As the title tells you, it takes work to get and keep a friend.  The idea of needing to work on social skills existed well before the invention of Social Workers. So why is a friend so important and what does it take to acquire and keep a friend? Life is about balance in all things.  I think that perhaps it is for this reason there are many contradictions to life.  One of these dichotomies is the human need for the comfort of predictability, while at the same time a need for novelty.  Predictability is so important that research shows …

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Way 9 Purity of Thought

Way 9 Purity of Thought

What would you say if when you walked into the gym the trainer said, “you’re 35 years old you should be able to press 70 lbs.”?  Age would be an absurd basis for this expectation.  Experience and physical health is the correct basis for estimating how much you can handle.  So why do we expect children to magically go from playing at daycare to sitting at a desk and paying attention for long periods of time? Would you walk into the gym and start pressing 200 lbs.?  Of course not!  You start with what you can handle and learn how …

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Way 8: Joy

Way 8: Joy

The timing of this topic could not be have been orchestrated any better.  With New Year’s Eve quickly approaching and many taking stock of their lives, mostly as a measure of their level of happiness, it is a most auspicious time to discuss what is real joy and why is it so important. Joy is the sense of accomplishment you feel from the growth in personal victory such as overcoming a difficulty.  For those who unfortunately rely on others as their benchmark they sadly may not feel joy unless someone else validates their accomplishment.  This is tragic, for no one …

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Way 6: Fear

Way 6: Fear

You are probably wondering why this is the next item on the list, especially in light of the fact that previously I said that awe encompassed fear. Here we are focusing exclusively on that feeling of dread, the one that causes a flight or fight response.  This is different than awe, which compels you to stay put and observe in amazement. I think it is fortuitous to be talking about fear.  Too often people are afraid of facing any negative emotion.  As a result, more and more people need the help of social workers to learn first and foremost how …

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Step 5: Awe

Step 5: Awe

Awe can mean fear or it can mean exhilarated amazement, and sometimes it can be both.  A good example is the conflicted feelings a bride or groom may feel on their wedding day, the fearful “what am I getting myself into?!?”  and the exhilarated “I can’t believe this amazing person wants to marry flawed me!” What does awe have to do with learning? Having a mentor whom you deeply respect and look to as a role model, in other words are in awe of, can inspire you to be more, learn more and work harder.  Whatever you admire about your …

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Step 4: Understanding

Step 4: Understanding

While knowledge on its own may be useful in games like Trivial Pursuit® and Jeopardy® or even in getting better test scores, real learning must incorporate the implications and applications of this knowledge i.e. understanding what does this knowledge mean to me.  .  The details of history learned for the sake of passing a test will have the unfortunate consequence of “Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” Sir Winston Churchill. The need for understanding holds true on two levels. Firstly, understanding is necessary to be able to generalize principles for it would be impossible …

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Learning Styles Continued

Learning Styles Continued

The final piece I would like to add to learning style is one I learned as an undergraduate speech pathology student, but it was not until years later that I realized it needs to be incorporated into the learning style paradigm.  New language gets stored in one of two ways.  We either assimilate the information into an existing category as an expansion or we decide the information doesn’t fit and requires the creation of a new category.  Creation of a new category is known as accommodation.  As an example, at some point a child is exposed to an exotic fruit.  …

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Learning Styles

Learning Styles

When discussing learning styles, the most familiar component is preferred sensory modality.   In fact, when people talk about learning styles they usually mean which of the VAKT sensory receptors does the learner prefer.  (VAKT stands for Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic and Tactile). We have already discussed that this model is too simplistic (see Step 3: Verbalize). Many of you are also familiar with the idea of “left brain” vs. “right brain” learners or conceptual vs. detail oriented learners.  This idea as presented is also too simplistic.  For a learner to own their knowledge at the level where they can troubleshoot they …

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Step 3: Verbalize

Step 3: Verbalize

This means say it out loud.  There are so many benefits to doing so but here I will focus on two. Most of us are familiar with the idea of “learning style”.  The term tends to refer to preferred sensory modality: auditory, visual or tactile. Learning style does include other factors which we will have to discuss another time.  The teacher’s lesson planning is an aside to the main point of the sages’ steps.  What NLP teaches is that the visual learner can connect better to auditory content when visual words are used e.g. “Do you see what I am …

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Are You A Fly?

Are You A Fly?

While we are on the topic of listening, it is important to pay attention to what your self-talk sounds like. Have you ever noticed how a fly gravitates to rot?  It is for this reason that we don’t want flies around us or our food, we don’t want them spreading their unhealthy rot to us. You may not even realize you are your own worst fly buzzing around in your head.  It really is not your fault that garbage is there.  It was left there by others.  Perhaps they were even well intentioned and meant to help you improve.  Unfortunately, …

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